Studying

[bookaddict43]

Title: Studying
Author: Bookaddict
Characters: River, Simon, Kaylee, Jayne
Rating: PG
Word count: 100
Comments: originally written for firefly100. Prompt: watch

“River…?” Simon walked up behind his sister.

“Ssh!” she raised an imperious hand. “Relationship habits are fascinating.”

“What?” Simon asked, uncomprehending.

“Watch,” River pointed into the cargo bay where Kaylee was working under the mule, chattering away to an unseen assistant.

Kaylee’s hand emerged from the mule’s inner workings, waving in the air imperiously; and Jayne, his expression, a mixture of indulgence and longing, stepped from the shadows and handed her a spanner. The moment Kaylee popped her head out and smiled at him the mercenary’s face changed to its habitual teasing leer.

“Oh,” said Simon blankly.

“Fascinating,” said River.

Comments

[brithistorian.livejournal.com]

Wow - this is just exceedingly well done. You've conveyed so much here, without having much actually happening. A gem of a scene.

I think this is one of the things I find appealing about Firefly fanfics: You can do an active, over-the-to scene (which is where my stories tend to end up), but you can also do this sort of subtle, understated scene (which I think is a wonderful thing, especially when done as well as you have here), and both types of scenes are true to the feel of the original.

[bookaddict43.livejournal.com]

Thank you! You're comment did wonders for my ego! I like fics with characters observing others. I'm glad you think it worked :)

[mercsgoodgirl.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with brithistorian.

This is wonderful. Almost like a snapshot capturing so much in so little. I love pieces that convey so much with so little. (And gorramnit, I'm just wordy as hell...)

[bookaddict43.livejournal.com]

*giggles* do you know how long it took me to get to 100 words? Thank you *bows*

Love your icon btw...

[ladytalon1.livejournal.com]

whuh? I thought I commented already! LJ must have eaten my comment this morning or something. I love how you show Jayne's private vs. public self here, and how Simon is seeing it for the first time and realizing just what it means *GLOMPS*

[bookaddict43.livejournal.com]

Naughty LJ *slaps it*. Jayne's pretty good at covering up. I'm glad River made Simon look at a few things.

[ceslas.livejournal.com]

“Oh,” said Simon blankly.

“Fascinating,” said River.

River and Simon have such an interesting shorthand that I find really tough to work with, but it feels so well phrased and the scene is set so cleanly that it makes sense here. Well done darlin'.

[bookaddict43.livejournal.com]

I figure the two siblings have long since worked out how to communicate. Glad you think it makes sense.

[romanceguru.livejournal.com]

Damn you woman, you tricked me into reading Jaylee!

Anyways, I love the image of Jayne standing there all vulnerable and exposed… At least that’s the picture I got. ; )

[bookaddict43.livejournal.com]

Ah ha! *rubs hands together* My evil plan comes to light :)

Jayne being exposed and vulnerable was just what I was aiming for! *bounces*