Oh please?

[bookaddict43]

bookishtype is cataloguing what I refer to as 'the junky paperbacks' aka bodice rippers, today. This gem of a paragraph was in one of them -

Please don't choke!!!
From : OH, PROMISED DESTINY by Ana Leigh

“Have you know many men Mistress Burke?”

Andrew Kirkland’s voice was a husky whisper in her ear, evoking a tingling sensation down the length of her spine. Rachel’s heart was pounding violently in her chest as she tried to shrink from him, but the tall lithe body seem to enfold her.

“Please release me, “ she half-sobbed.

“You haven’t answered my question,” he demanded throatily. “But I think I will seek the answer in my own manner.”

His mouth crushed down on hers and she clenched her lips tightly to thwart his kiss, until was forced to gasp against the suffocating pressure. The instant her lips parted his probing tongue slid into her mouth. She felt a dizzying warmth envelop her and her mouth was suddenly responding to the branding heat of his…

In case you don't know; a bodice ripper is a novel, if you could call it that, with more pages than your standard Harlequin paperback. On the cover our heroine will be clad in period clothing artfully falling off her body. She's usually being clasped in the arms of a bare-chested hero whose trousers are molded to his body. *snerk* People read them by the dozen...

Comments

[lucasharper.livejournal.com]

I could totally write better smut than that!

I have actually!

[rezula110.livejournal.com]

That brings back some memories! After my mom and I had "THE TALK" (and everyone knows what TALK that is...) she told me, "Well, Rezula, I think you're old enough to read these now." I was always looking for something to read in those days. :D

I always called them 'heaving bosom' and 'throbbing member' books. ;)

[kingzgurl.livejournal.com]

ROFL. You totally just made my day a million times better sweetie.

[xenaclone.livejournal.com]

If this gets more...ahem...intimate, you might want to think about posting the bad fic to:-

[http://community.livejournal.com/weepingcock/]

Or [http://community.livejournal.com/badfic_quotes]


XC

[bugchicklv.livejournal.com]

*puts down Amanda Quick novel to type*

I gotta confess: I am addicted to them all, and I judge each of them by their covers.

The hotter the guy, the faster I am to pick it up. The more erotic the pose, I don't even bother to read the back for plot. No artwork, I MIGHT check the inside jacket to see if the tale seems interesting *IF* it is an author I recognize.

Also, I posed for a cover once. I've long since forgotten the name...and the only reason I did it was cause I thought I would get to meet the Hot Guy. Did that happen? Nope. They used a stand in and when the artist rendered the photo into a painting, she added him then. Damn it.

[xenaclone.livejournal.com]

I did come across one bodice ripper with:-

1. Diminutive blonde heroine, 18" hand-span waist and ludicrous upper curves.

2. 6ft plus, pumped, Native American hero.

When he finally got his kit off his...ahem...cock was described as being the same length and thickness as her FOREARM.

OUCH?!!?

[bugchicklv.livejournal.com]

My inner sekrit size queen is drooling at that description.

[xenaclone.livejournal.com]

Well, my forearm [not including hand] is about 15" long and about 8" around at the wrist.

If a fella's cock is that size, IT WON'T FIT!!

[noandwhere.livejournal.com]

My best friend loves them, and does indeed read them by the dozen. She calls them, "trashy bedroom novels." *g*

Give me slash any day, yo.

[bugchicklv.livejournal.com]

I've read my share of slashy ones too. They're harder to find and most of them are e-books, and not so good.

[maureen.livejournal.com]

I think I may have told you this, but in case not... back in my teenage years I worked at a bookstore and we sold a shockingly high number of these things. The term bodice ripper was used there too.

Ugh.

I prefer to get my porn online. It's way better written in the fanfiction world anyway.

[ladytalon1.livejournal.com]

BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?!?!?!?!?!

[elsibet34.livejournal.com]

I like my romance novels written by vampires....like Henry in the Blood books (instead of comics like on the show).

[glimmerite.livejournal.com]

Holy reindeer!

That said, I did read some of these when I was in middle school. Not sure how I came to have them in my possession, as I wouldn't have EVER bought them! I had them hidden under my bed. Like that wasn't the first place my parents would look if they had decided to check my room for things. *facepalm* At least they never found them. To my knowledge, anyways.

[romanceguru.livejournal.com]

I've always avoided these like the plague. Call me hoity, but I couldn't take myself seriously if theses where my novel(s) of choice. My cousin even threw a few at me last Christmas, but they're just to hokey to get through. I think I like my romance as subplot.

Thanks for the entertainment. ; )

[prehistoric-sea.livejournal.com]

saw you got recc'd on crack_van, congrats!

[bookaddict43.livejournal.com]

I did? I'll have to go check!

[prehistoric-sea.livejournal.com]

yeah!